New insights
On Tuesday this week, we tried an exercise designed to help us beginners understand that it is ourselves creating resistance during a technique. That was really interesting for me, as I think I have more of a problem with that than the other students. Afterwards, I had quite a disturbing thought: what if I create similar resistance in other parts of life? I always go out of my way trying to please everyone. Of course I sometimes antagonize people unknowingly or HAVE to contradict someone, but that’s very unpleasant for me.
That is why it hit me quite hard that I may create “resistance” unconsciously through my behaviour. I don’t think that thought would have occured to me before; I always felt at ease and comfortable with everyone. Most likely I just worry too much… Nevertheless, it set me thinking – and it’s another sign that Aikido is working from inside. 
The cracking sounds in my ankles have disappeared in the meantime. My knees continue to hurt a little, but it has improved as well. By the way, the cause was not the backward rolls, as I thought initially, but an instability during standing up: they turn a little to the inside every time. I’ve been trying to change this for several weeks now, but it does not seem to work. Anyway, time will bring steady knees as well. =)
However, I did make a new discovery last Friday: I managed my first-ever (and only, up ’till now) forward roll!! Right side facing front, standing completely normally, without any crouching down or brining my arms in position in advance and so on! =)) I had a feeling it might work, as my right forward rolls have become higher and smoother these last weeks, the supporting arm has become more supporting, the feeling simply better. So I thought I would just try it this once… and with a broad grin, I stood up from my very first forward roll from a standing position. It was such a great feeling – I want more! =)
